yo DOUCHEBAGS

family swim is for familys lap swim is for lap swimmers. If you are there durring lap swim and you SEE PEOPLE SITTING ON THE BENCH WAITING FOR A LANE, get the HELL out of the pool.

Chapter 1. Where we will start.

The Deconstruction of Maddi-lynn Hardy.

She was in the backyard say it was a little past nine, when her prince pulled up, white pick up truck...
A low growl made its way up the gravel driveway. The familiar kick back of dust and debris gave Maddy's delicate skin goose bumps. Her lips began to crack a devilish smile. The same sound sent her dad into a whirlwind of concern.

Hank’s daughter is a young girl barley out of high school. One look at this fella' would concern any parent. His tri-colored hair, that changed, it seemed, by the hour and his tattooed covered arms accessorized nicely his eccentric clothing. He always wore the same dark colors except for the bright splash of neon that peeked out through the ripped sleeves on his bare arms. Hank just shook his head.
"Daddy, I will be out late. I love you, I will be safe." Maddy shot up, kissed her father gently on his wrinkled cheek and let the screen door slam behind her as she raced for the truck. Her dark hair flowing freely behind her, wild and crazy, just like her. Like her when she was with him.
There he was. Too small for such a big truck but she didn't care. Maddy scaled up into the cab, glowing.
"Hey there sunshine." Jeff smiled. His sweet, southern soul dripped out of his mouth with every word.
Maddy could hardly contain her self. She lunged for him grasping his face between her small hands and kissed him deeply. "Hi rockstar." She sighed. "Where are we going tonight?"
"Well, I thought we'd go to Murry's."
"What’s the occasion?'
"Nothing. Just feel like a nice dinner with a pretty girl." He gently touched her knee, flashing his priceless hardy boy smile, complete with dimples and everything. When he smiled, so did his dark eyes.
"Well okay then. Reason enough for me."
And so they drove. She was happy. And she felt beautiful. Next to him, everything was wonderful. The year they had been together had been the best year of her life. He had been there for her while she suffered, and pieces of her died as she watched her mom deteriorate from the tumors that slowly ate away her life. He was there when the storm took off the roof to her and her father’s old southern home that had been in the family since forever. And most important, he was there, in the back row, hidden in the shadows, when her name was called and she graced the small Melbourne auditorium with her lovely presence as she accepted her high school diploma.
The up scale, which for this town simply meant you waited to be seated, restaurant was pretty well stocked with locals. Everyone knew everyone else but in this town, everyone pretended to be strangers. It was easier to hide from reality and maintain secrecy than talk about it with the person next to you. For a small town, Melbourne sure had the attitude of a big city.

They ate well that night. Steaks and potatoes. Dark grape juice served in wine glasses added to the sophistication of the atmosphere. Jeff and Maddy laughed. People stared. Nothing mattered to them though. The waitress came to ask for dessert with the check, assuming that like most customers no one ‘had room’ for dessert.

“You know, I think we’ll have a slice of the chocolate sin back there, with two forks please.” Jeff motioned to a delicate piece of chocolate cake.

“Right away.”

“Jeff, dessert too huh? Are you breaking up with me and trying to lesson the blow with chocolate?” Maddy giggled.

“No, but I do have a reason for bringing you here.” Jeff shuffled in his seat, digging something out of his pocket. As the cake was set before them, Jeff’s left hand resurfaced with a stack of folded up white paper. “Here, take a look at these.”

Maddy took the papers and delicately unfolded them, never breaking eye contact with Jeff. When she could avoid it no longer, she began to read the wordy documents.

“Oh my goodness…Jeff, this is…wow, I am so proud of you!” Maddy threw her arms around him. “You finally are getting to live your dream! What about Matty, does he get one too?”

“Yep. Both of us. We are starting together. Me and Matt.”

“Wow, Jeff that is incredible. Congratulations, you both deserve it!”

Jeff picked up a fork stabbing it into the chocolate cake in front of him, blushing. “Maddi-lynne, there is one other thing.” Jeff looked up at her as she let the chocolate cake melt in her mouth. Her beautiful eyes closed, to enjoy the bitter dark chocolate as it coated her mouth. “You know, we are going to be on the road a lot, well, all the time really, and so I won’t see Melbourne much at all any more. I was thinking, since you finished school and don’t have any plans, and are itching to get out of this small town as much I am, maybe, you could come with Matt and me. We are selling everything and buying an RV to travel around with so we can save money. I already talked to Matt and he is all for it. Maddy before you say no, just think about it.”

Maddy almost spit the cake back out. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The big news was sweetly coated in his southern charm. This was life, and it was happening. Her dad would blow a gasket. “Yes.”

“What? Yes? That easy? I didn’t have to entice you any more than that? I had so much saved up to convince you to come…I hadn’t prepared for this part.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world Jeff.”

They finished the cake talking about what’s to come and making plans. In the back of her busy mind Maddy planned carefully how to break the news to her dad. She wasn’t sure if he would ultimately approve, but either way, she was going. After all, she was an adult now and he couldn’t do anything to hold her back any more.

Before taking her home for the night, Jeff stopped at their favorite spot. The White Star Hotel on Broadway. This hotel was as elite as it got in Melbourne, but the hotel itself wasn’t the attraction. Jeff knew a member or three of the full time staff and they let him do as he liked, including meditating on the roof top. So, the two of them snuck, sort of, up to the rooftop, being sure to prop the door open with the metal piping left by hotel staff. Everyone liked this spot. It was high enough to shut out the small city sounds and reflect in the wind.

Underneath the stars, Jeff held her. Lying down on the blanket from the back of his truck they laughed, kissed, wrestled, and kissed. Hand in hand the whole time. Stars above created the perfect lighting as they enjoyed each other.

They pulled down the familiar gravel driveway up to the large white country house. Jeff kissed her sweetly on her cheek. “See ya sunshine.”

“Goodnight rockstar.”

He watched those hips of hers swing up the steps to the large double doors. As she always did, she turned and gave him her best smile as the front door closed behind her.

“Hey daddy, I see you waited up for me again.”

“Yes well, dad’s do that sort of thing. Now that you are home, I’m going to head to bed.”

“Okay. Hey dad…we have to talk in the morning.”

Her dad turned, and gave her a knowing look before slowly making his way up to his bedroom.

Maddy sunk deep into the over stuffed sofa, smiling. She felt beautiful.

my list.

while browsing thru a small pile of secrets on my favorite internet hangout site I came across something so inspired it deserved a blog. (*Cough*facebook PS group *cough*)
"You always write down what you need to do and never what you've done. You've got it backwards."
At this point in my life it seems like a never ending to do list. as that list grows so does my feeling of inadequacey. It is difficult to get a bachelor degree job in a small town and so i feel as if I am a loser who cant do anything but I forget everything that I have done that should keep me going on these days.

I have survived the odds. Some real ones, some imposed upon me because of rules society has created.
I was raised in a single parent family. Wit ha drug addicted alcohol father. I maintained a 3.0 avg throughout school in a single parent home. apparently thats hard with only one parent?
While going through one of the roughest periods in a growing childs life (middle school) I was sexually assaulted on a daily basis by a group of boys. I didnt drop out of school. I kept going. everyday. eventually making to the safety of high school where i became a beautiful dancer until I got hurt.
A tragic injury that would end my passion. I was in and out of doctors for years getting the pain to managble level. I was on and off crutches for over two years. On pain meds for longer and I still suffer but I never gave up. I kept smilin.
I was raped in the middle of a promising colelge career. I struggled hard. Battled horrible addiction. But i survived. And fell in love. I conquered some levels of my anxiety and became a promient student leader on campus. I mainted a 3.0 gpa while working full time. I lived in my first apartment. I got a car.
I graduated college. I have a bachelors degree. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I will spend the rest of my life with. I have danced in front of huge crowds. I have traveled. I have sopken my mind. I have done a lot and been through more. FOrget the to do list, I liked the done it list better.

Here's to burning the proverbial to do list that has been my anxious life and framing the done list. I have accomplished something in this life and what will happen, will happen in time.
I wrote a short story that was read by a TON of people.

I am someone. I have lived. To do list no more.

welcome to the planet, welcome to existence, everyone's here...

live while you can.

I feel so insignificant without a job. I feel so shitty about myself that my demons that I spent hours in therapy squashing. It's not like I don't try, I just get turned down. You can only take so many rejections before you start to take it personally.

And then there is everything I lost before I moved. I had a best friend. The kind of best friend that people always talk about, write about. The one that you assume will always be there no matter what. But then a girlfriend came between us. Everyone thought I would be devastated because I was in love with him but I wasn't, I was happy for him. You see, Boys and girls can sometimes be nothing more than friends. Anyway, moving here, i lost him because she got in the way. her arrogance won and prevented our friendship form crossing state lines. I haven't been the same since then. I mean, I have my love now and he has become my best friend, and he totally is. We both hum the star trek theme song while playing WoW and watching it out of the corner of our eye. We laugh at the same stupid jokes we are perfect together. But that doesnt change the fact that I miss my friends. I miss having that connection. I just want a best friend again.

I don't understand why everything had to change. I didn't change, I just moved out of the college town before it sucked my life away. thats all. I had outgrown the town that transfored me into the person I am now and it was time to move on, I shouldn't be punished for doing something for myself. It was time. I put them all first for 5 years and it was time to take MY LIFE in my hands and start living it...so why are they still punishing me????

I guess I must not be so such a good person after all. Well, I tried.