live while you can.
I feel so insignificant without a job. I feel so shitty about myself that my demons that I spent hours in therapy squashing. It's not like I don't try, I just get turned down. You can only take so many rejections before you start to take it personally.
And then there is everything I lost before I moved. I had a best friend. The kind of best friend that people always talk about, write about. The one that you assume will always be there no matter what. But then a girlfriend came between us. Everyone thought I would be devastated because I was in love with him but I wasn't, I was happy for him. You see, Boys and girls can sometimes be nothing more than friends. Anyway, moving here, i lost him because she got in the way. her arrogance won and prevented our friendship form crossing state lines. I haven't been the same since then. I mean, I have my love now and he has become my best friend, and he totally is. We both hum the star trek theme song while playing WoW and watching it out of the corner of our eye. We laugh at the same stupid jokes we are perfect together. But that doesnt change the fact that I miss my friends. I miss having that connection. I just want a best friend again.
I don't understand why everything had to change. I didn't change, I just moved out of the college town before it sucked my life away. thats all. I had outgrown the town that transfored me into the person I am now and it was time to move on, I shouldn't be punished for doing something for myself. It was time. I put them all first for 5 years and it was time to take MY LIFE in my hands and start living it...so why are they still punishing me????
I guess I must not be so such a good person after all. Well, I tried.
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